I started a different post, which needs something to make it more interesting, so it got put on the shelf. Then we went away on vacation and ... here we are.
If you are a regular reader, you know I have been struggling with a bunch of different health related things over the past 12+ months. After I hurt my back in March, my doctor told me not put a time line on my recovery. "Listen to your body. It could take a year, it could take longer." I've already been dealing with my shoulder for a year, then my leg, now this. The setback has thrown my anxiety into full blown depression, which I battle nearly every day. I can have three or four really good days, followed by a week of feeling down. It sucks the joy out of life. To look at me, no one would really know. I put on a good face. I had an amazing day yesterday. I went for a long bike ride with my friend Erica, then I went wine tasting with my friend Katherine. I ordered a pizza for dinner, so I didn't even have to cook. But last night I couldn't sleep, I laid in bed for almost two hours, wide awake, feeling so down. Woke up super early and laid in bed awake for another two hours until I finally decided to get up.
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
Unless you have struggled with depression, it's hard to understand. How do you have a great day, and then feel so down? Nothing is really wrong, so you don't really want to talk about it. Sometimes you catch yourself feeling it, realize you shouldn't be, and then you feel guilty for feeling the way you feel. That's kind of what happened last night. Usually a good night's sleep will help, but when that doesn't happen...
I went to church this morning. The message was the first in a series entitled, "The Cross of Christ." Our pastor talked about how we don't really fully understand the cross... Christ knew no sin, but he gave EVERYTHING so we might become the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21, adapted). I left feeling encouraged. My soul cries out, Hallelujah. This song...
Man of Sorrows by Hillsong
Oh that rugged cross, my salvation, where Your love poured out over me. Sent of heaven, God's own Son, to purchase and redeem..and reconcile the very ones who nailed Him to that tree.
In my last post, I told you I was going to start training with my friend Ashley. Between my back and shoulder issues, I often feel defeated when I leave the gym. It's one thing to have sore muscles, it's entirely different to push through back pain or to exasperate the tendinitis in my shoulder. This is why I asked Ashley for help. I've had two sessions with her and she's given me a workout plan, specifically to address my concerns about improving my strength and endurance.
I have three different workouts, focusing on one of the major muscle groups each day and core strengthening each day. She has me doing things I hate, like mountain climbers and burpees. I hate burpees. Really hate them. But, she said, "It has to be uncomfortable for change to happen." And I guess all my whining about my diminished strength and endurance means I have to do things I don't like, even if it means doing burpees.
Burpees are on for tomorrow. Here are some messy mountain climbers. I had to do 4 sets of 50. I thought it said 5 sets of 50.... uggh.
It also means retraining my brain to muscle connections. I've unconsciously been taking shortcuts to "protect" my back, while potentially putting myself in danger. So instead of squats on the squat rack, it's kettle bells and focusing on depth and form...
I'm glad I have Ashley to work with me. She's helps me with accountability too. Today I wanted to stay home, instead I made sure I worked out. I have to report out on how things are going at our next session. No excuses. No, "I was tired and feeling sorry for myself."
Sometimes you just need a little help. The trick is, asking for it.
Tonight I am feeling better. I was able to accomplish a few things, grabbed a power nap, got to the gym, and even posted to my blog. Breathe.
If you are interested in personal training, please contact me. I can share with you my experiences and give you some guidelines for what to expect and how much it costs.
Did you celebrate the 4th of July? What did you do?
Musical notes ♩♫ ♪ ♬ ♪
Something Just Like This by The Chainsmokers & Coldplay
But she said, where'd you wanna go? How much you wanna risk? I'm not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts, some superhero, some fairy tale bliss, just something I can turn to. Somebody I can kiss.