I've had a persistent head ache since I went back to work in August. When I had my annual physical Tuesday, I told him I've been taking 800 mg. of ibuprofen just about every day, sometimes twice a day, alternating with Excedrin some days. I wake up with a head ache some nights at 2 a.m., feeling like my head weighs 1,000 lbs. My sleep interrupted. Exhaustion sets in early in the day. I come home and crash. I have no energy. I've been largely dysfunctional.
My school has a new design and leadership form, with a very uncertain direction, thus the longer school day and threat of losing my job.
I woke up early this morning to bring my son and his girlfriend to the airport. He and their friends are going to Disney World for a week. I'm so happy for them. And a little jealous too. I want to go see Mickey. Dropping them off at the airport left me with a new sense of "let's do this."
If you read my blog at all, you know I'm all about goals. So I am setting super small, practical ones for myself.
It's all I can do to crawl out of bed right now, so every step forward is literally a victory.
It's been a real struggle.
What's different?
A longer school day.
The imminent threat of my job being outsourced and / or replaced by people who are not trained or qualified because they are cheaper.
My person at work has a different job and I hardly ever see her.
My other person at work left to a different school.
My school has a new design and leadership form, with a very uncertain direction, thus the longer school day and threat of losing my job.
Two weeks ago, one of the riders on my group ride went into cardiac arrest. I felt completely, 100% helpless. He died this past Wednesday.
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| This is my group on our last ride of the season. Gerry (left) and I came back early because he wasn't feeling well. If only... there are 100 "what ifs" replaying in my mind. |
To sum it up. I work hard all day. I put in 100%, struggling through the last two to three hours of the day. I come home and crash. Get up, and struggle through the rest of the night. Wake up in the middle of the night with a horrible head ache. Repeat.
"How have you handled the stress in the past?"
I used to come home and ride my bike, but this year I'm. Just. So. Tired.
"You need to figure this out, Tracey. And no more ibuprofen or Excedrin until I tell you you can take it again."
It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.
Deuteronomy 31:8
It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.
Deuteronomy 31:8
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| In my happy place! |
1) Go to the gym today and two other days this week.
2) 10,000 steps per day this week. (I LOVE my Fitbit.)
3) One bike ride this week, even if it's short.
I can't look past this week because all I see is dark. It has consumed me. Head ache. Pain. An overwhelming feeling of bleh. That pretty much sums it up.
"You need to figure this out, Tracey."
It's all I can do to crawl out of bed right now, so every step forward is literally a victory.
I saw this picture of me last summer and I was like a kick in the gut.
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| Mitch, Jenna, Me & Joey I was so lean. And happy. |
No looking back. Keep your focus ahead.
"You need to figure this out, Tracey."
Baby steps. Make each one a victory. Cherish the ones you love. Celebrate life. Every day. Close your eyes, be thankful.
The sun will come out again.
From the rising of the sun to its setting, the name of the Lord is to be praised!
Psalm 113:3
Burn by Ellie Goulding
When the light started out, they don't know what they heard. Strike the match, play it loud, giving love to the world. We'll be raising our hands, shining up to the sky. 'Cause we got the fire...
In 2015, I started 100 days of gratitude. On this day, I was grateful for coffee. Doctor's orders, I have to cut back on caffeine, but I still love my coffee. What are you grateful for today?
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Email: tracoleman99@gmail.com
