Saturday, October 8, 2016

How long does it take to heal a broken heart?

I've been dealing with internet issues at home lately, so I haven't been able to update my blog.  I am working on posting a new blog entry about body image, but with all the connection problems, it has not been posted yet.  Even as I try to post this, the internet keeps going in and out.  Time to call Comcast.

That said, there have been a lot of things going on and I haven't even been able to update.  I want to start with where I am personally.  I've been going through a tough time for the past several months.  I haven't posted any specifics because it's deeply painful.

Here Without You by 3 Doors Down

Without giving too many details, I can tell you that in June I lost a close friend.  We spoke on Monday and I never heard from her again.  She stopped talking to me completely.  There was no argument or disagreement that I knew about.  I tried to make things right with her, but she never responded.  In July, I got a text message from her saying she was going through some stuff and wanted to catch up, but that was it.  I never talked to her.  We never caught up.  

I can't begin to tell you how badly it hurts.  I never had an easy time making friends.   I don't care how this sounds, but I can honestly say my husband is truly my best friend.

I have friends, don't get me wrong.  But it doesn't come easy for me.  For one reason or another, I have a hard time trusting people.  So, the loss of this friend hit me to the core.  It's been more than four months.  Some days are easier than others.  But the pain is there.  It's  like a constant ache in my chest.  Sometimes I can breathe a little easier than others. Time helps with that, I guess.

When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne

It has affected my fitness journey because I am fighting to care.  Yesterday was a gorgeous day.  All day at work, I said, "I'm going for a bike ride when I get home."  Instead, when I got home, I went to bed.  Slept for two hours.  I proceeded to spend the rest of the night, laying on the couch, watching TV until I went to bed.  Sadness rolling over me like the ocean surges from Hurricane Matthew.  Hurricane Matthew

It doesn't help that my shoulder is still hurting.  I re-injured it, doing cable flys a few weeks ago. 
Image from Women's Health and Fitness
It hasn't been right ever since.  Right now, it is throbbing.  I want to go to the gym and work out, but I'm concerned about my shoulder, so I'm hesitant.  This morning's mission:  CLEAN THIS HOUSE!

Where'd You Go by Fort Minor (feat. Holly Brook and Jonah Matranga

I decided to share this much today because my blog helps to keep me accountable.  How can I write about fitness, nutrition and motivation if I allow myself to be overcome by this?  It is a struggle. 

Torn by Natalie Imbruglia

The silence hurts more than if we had a fight and parted ways.  The friend I used to talk to about things that were going on...from nonsense nothingness to the comings and goings of our day to our insecurities about life and the future...is gone.  And I don't know why.


My pastor asked on the church's Facebook page "Have you ever felt forgotten by God in your pain?" and "What do you do to keep connected to God and others in your pain?"
I sent him my response and shared it during a Sunday morning service.  You can listen to it here, if you really want to:  Evangel Assembly, go to August 21, "When Life Hurts" at 8:02
 and 25:37.

This morning, as I pick myself up from a day of depression and feeling broken-hearted, I must fight the urge to quit.  I need to turn to God and ask Him to help me work through this. The super sad love songs I included here, I really want to replay them over and over. They describe the pain I'm feeling so well.  Instead, I need to listen to happy music that motivates me and Christian songs that uplift me.  I can't dwell on what's wrong and let the waves of depression overcome me.  

When you go through tough times, when you lose a friend or loved one, when your problems seem insurmountable, you really have to reach deep and find your inner strength to keep going.  Giving up cannot be an answer.  It is okay to have a bad day, to feel deeply.  In fact, I think that's what makes us uniquely human.  What is not okay is to let one bad day turn into a pattern.

So my mission today is to get on it!  Even if it means I have to fake it a little...
Happy by Pharrell Williams

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth!!

If these connectivity issues persist, it will be a couple days before I post again, but I do have more to share!
Tough Enough to NOT QUIT!
Happy Day by Tim Hughes

Oh,happy day, happy day, I'll never be the same!  Forever I am changed!

Questions for you (answer in the comment section below):
What do you do to cheer yourself up when you are down?
What HAPPY thing are you doing today?


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