Thursday, April 21, 2016

Far from Perfect

Hello friends! It's been a long time since I've taken a moment to write. I wanted to share with you what I've been experiencing the past month or so. I was supposed to finish my field experience for my degree back in December, but I didn't really even start logging the hours until February. (That's after I was supposed to already be done.) As much as I like to write and share my thoughts with you on my blog, it's an entirely different story writing about what I do every day and applying it to my goal of becoming a principal someday. This has been a grueling experience for me! It's taking me hours and days even. Because I don't like it, it's excruciatingly painful.

I have no life right now, except this.  This is my daily Snapchat.  Me at Starbucks, writing in my journal, trying to catch up.
I've been going to Starbucks as much as I can and writing there without distractions- nothing to keep me from writing. I can't do laundry, watch Netflix or work out if I am at Starbucks writing my journal. Like I said, I should've been done with this in December.

The stress from this has kicked in my depression which feels like a wet blanket covering me. And I really can't seem to get the blanket off of me.  I know that this is all related to stress from finishing this up and stuff that's been going on at work, but it's not a fun experience to go through.

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slim pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.
Psalm 40:1-3 NIV

I'm trying to be really good about my nutrition and I'm still working out at least four days a week.  I have been taking more days off from the gym than I'm used to. This just adds to my anxiety, because there's that fear of getting fat, you know? When you've been on yo-yo diets most of your adult life and you gain the weight back every time, you really don't want to get fat again.
I've taken to eating more of "whatever I want" more and more often.  It's like walking on a frozen pond after a thaw.  Not very smart.  But the donut was sooooooooooo good.
If you've never been fat before, it's hard for you to understand what I'm talking about. But if you've been on a diet and lost weight, you know how easy it is to rebound. So I'm trying hard to be good about my nutrition and exercise even if I can't make it to the gym every day.  

When you feel like this, it's hard to even look forward to anything. 

Last week, my husband and I are celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary!  I can't even believe it, it doesn't seem real. He is my best friend, I love him with my whole heart. 25 years!  I don't feel old enough to be married that long.
Brian & I on our wedding day, 25 years ago.
We're going to go away for anniversary, but probably not until the fall. It's hard when you're feeling overwhelmed with everything to look forward to things like celebrating your anniversary, planning a vacation, or even going to the beach this summer.  
We took a day to sneak away and went to Mohegan Sun.  It was a nice get away.  No work - Brian would not let me and I needed the reprieve.
In thinking about this, I realize that I'm just not perfect. I don't have it all together, I probably never will. But I realize that's OK. My husband loves me anyway.  My kids think I'm all right too. And hopefully if you're reading this you think I'm OK.  This was never about being perfect, it was about achieving my goals, and right now that's what I'm working really hard to do. Finishing my degree is all that matters, and I know that it is going to be a lot of hard work.  I have it in me to make it happen.

Meanwhile, please stay tuned as I will be back to blogging regularly when all this is done!

Look how much my Princess Leia is growing up!  Long walks with her are good for both of us!
I've taken a serious liking to iHeart Radio.  My favorite channel is Top 40 Workout.  This channel has an awesome collection of upbeat, leg stomping music.  I also really like K-Love, which has uplifting, inspirational Christian music which is good for my soul.  It just depends on what I'm in the mood to hear.  What I like about iHeart Radio is that it seems to be knows that I have a crazy eclectic taste in music and it combines some outrageous styles of music which keeps my groove on whether I am writing, walking the dog or working out.  Check out these favorites...  (I told you, I'm eclectic!)

Here in Your Presence
by New Life Worship

I'm Straight
by Fetty wap

Cake by the Ocean

Questions for you:  (Answer in the comments below.)
What's your favorite workout song?  What's your favorite coffee spot?

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