Are you kidding me?

One thing I always wished I could do, but never was able to do is push-ups.

I tried and tried.  I struggled.  What looks so easy, for me was super hard.  I made being able to do them a goal.  As my strength improved, I wrote about the progress I saw in doing them:  Five and Ten.  It was exciting to see real progress.  Eventually they became so easy that I stopped doing them, except as part of a HIIT routine.  When I hurt my shoulder, I was under strict orders to not do them until after my shoulder healed.

Since that time, being able to do push-ups well and "easily" has plagued me.  So after my back injury last February, I made it a goal to improve upon them again.  But it has been difficult.  In May of last year, I was able to do three sets of 15 push-ups.  So hard!  I mean super hard.  It wasn't so much doing them as the weakness in my shoulder.  Not for nothing, when things are hard, you tend to shy away from doing them.  Why do I want to do this if it's this hard?

When I started training with Pat, he had me doing three sets of 15-20 push-ups.  I was like, "I'm not going to be able to do that.  I can barely do 10 push-ups and you want me to do 15?"  He said, "If you can do a Dumb-Bell bench press with 25 lbs., you can do 15 push-ups."

So for three weeks, I did three sets of 15 push-ups (never 20).  And it was NOT easy.  One week I couldn't even do one single push-up.  Not one.  "It's a mental block," Pat responded.

I hated doing them.  Unlike three years ago when doing push-ups motivated me, this time around, I was not enthused.

Then the next three weeks, he changed it up and had me doing four sets of 12-15 reps.  I always tried for the 15, but four sets was a lot.

This week, he changed it up again.  When I looked at the plan for this week, it changed from 4 sets of 12-15 to FIVE sets of 20 push-ups.  That's 100 push-ups.  Are you KIDDING ME???

So when I saw him this week, I said, "What in the world are you thinking?"

He said, "You can do it."  Confident as can be, like it's no problem.

I was like, "I can't do that!  There's just no way."

He said, "Yes you can.  Easy."

I said, "Well, I can't do five sets of 20 push-ups all together like that.  It's just not going to happen.  I mean, maybe I can do them if I work them throughout the entire workout.  One set after each group of exercises, but not all at once."

His response, "I don't care how you do them, just get them done."

Get them done?  Doesn't he know I have a shoulder injury?  Doesn't he know these are super hard for me?  What does he mean, "Just get them done."

"Ok, boss."

And so Friday night was the moment of truth.  100 push-ups.  Five sets of twenty.

We get to the gym, I figure, let's get the first set done now and just see, while I'm feeling strong, how I do.  Is 20 even on the table?  (Great way to think positive, isn't it?)

And I do it.  20 push-ups.  No problem.

I decided to do 20 at a time, throughout my workout, allowing my shoulder/ body to recover before attempting the next set.  And it worked!  Twice I had to take a 10 second break in between to finish the 20 reps, but I did all 100!

Here is my last set:

So, what's the point of this whole post?  Overcoming the way you think and feel about food, about exercise, about yourself:  your self-image, your abilities, your potential... This is so key to your success.  Over four years into this journey and I still struggle.  I have doubts.  While they may be based on reality (I do have tendinitis in my shoulder, there is weakness there, I do continue to have pain), the fact is I can do more than I believe I can do.

When you get to the point when you feel like, "What am I doing?" or "I can't do this" or you feel like just giving up, stick with it.  You have SO much more potential than you can even begin to believe.

I did 100 push-ups.  Not five or ten like I did three years ago.  One-Hundred.   I didn't think I could.  I thought Pat was crazy.  I was even miffed with him a little.  It wasn't clean, it wasn't perfect, but I did it!  

- - - - - - - - - -

"Why Have a Trainer?" is a topic I discussed in January.  Having someone push you beyond your own self-expectations, to basically say, "It's no big deal, you can do it."  THIS is why I have a trainer.  I struggled with one health issue after another over the past 18+ months and tried to figure out how to get back on the path by myself.  Every set-back and every self-doubt left me feeling badly about myself and where I was going.  Not really knowing what to do to get things back on track left me frustrated, which is WHY I sought out Pat.  He is really awesome.  

If you are thinking about having a trainer, you definitely want to check him out.  The rates are affordable and he is amazing.  If you live in the area, you can train one-on-one with him.  If not, he does online coaching as well.  Check out his website for the details:  Patriotbody.com.  I cannot say enough about him.  Training with Pat means you will see growth, you will make change, you will accomplish your goals.  Either way, check out his website.  There is contact information for him there.

There's a saying out there, "Put on some gangster rap and get over it."  Here's the newest song on my playlist:

Not Afraid by Eminem

And I just can't keep living this way.  So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage.  I'm standing up, I'mma face my demons.  I'm manning up, I'mma hold my ground.  I've had enough, now I'm so fed up.  Time to put my life back together right now!

Question for you:  (Answer in the comment section below.)
What holds you back?

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My new mantra:  Be the Champion of Today!

Have a great weekend!  Go get 'em!

It's Humbling

Happy Father's Day!  I hope you were able to celebrate with the man or men in your life that you love.  I had my dad over for lunch and spent the whole day with my husband.  It was nice.  Relaxing.  No fuss.

Dad & I
My biggest cheerleader

Brian & I
My heart

Back to the blog...so here is the bare honest truth.  This whole getting my game back on thing is extremely humbling.  I am perpetually feeling like starting all over again is just too much for me and the desire to throw in the towel seems to be nagging at me like crazy.

Discouragement knocks at my door every day and this afternoon I caught myself truly feeling sorry for myself.  Stop everything, get out the violins because poor, poor Tracey.  Oh my, when I realized I was wallowing in self pity, I pretty much slapped myself in the head and said, "Cut the bullsh** and get it together!"

So me!

Last week I set some pretty steep Goals for myself.

In my last post, I said to set realistic goals.  Realistic means ones you can actually attain.  Me?  I had a crazy busy week and planned two runs and two bike rides in one week.  I am lucky I got in one of each.

It's probably smart to a lot of people to set high goals so you can push yourself.  But me, I get discouraged too easily if I don't meet my goals.  I feel like I've failed, even if I've tried to reach them.  It's rubbish, but it's my Type A personality.

Courage.  That's what I need.

I did legs at the gym yesterday and my shoulder is bothering me, so I was going to skip working out today and just do some yoga at home.  Instead, I decided to do an at-home workout, followed by the yoga.  It was great.  I feel energized and encouraged.

I did 10 minutes going up and down the stairs, followed by a circuit of Kettle Bell swings, walking lunges, Kettle Bell Squats and bent over rows, that I repeated three times.

at home Yoga....feels so good.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.

1 Corinthians 12:9-10

I also realize that I'm going to need some help as I work my way back.  Even though my proud self feels like she knows everything, I need someone to kick me in the butt.  I do.  So I asked my friend Ashley to help with me and we have plans for Wednesday.  It feels weird to have a new trainer.  This will be number four.  But I like Ashley, so if I feel like I can trust her after our first session together, I know it will be good for me to work with her.

6 Reasons Why Hiring a Personal Trainer is Worth the Money

For me, working with a trainer is less about having someone tell you what to do, and more about having someone to kick you in the butt, to encourage you when you're feeling down and to push you when you just don't want to.  I feel super whiney, so hopefully she won't be annoyed with me.

Looking forward to getting rid of the dueling voices and rebuilding my confidence.

This week's goals are a WHOLE lot more reasonable....

Question for you (answer in the comment section below):
Did you do anything for Father's Day?  What?

Musical notes ♩♫ ♪ ♬ ♪

A perfect workout tune for me...

There's Nothing Holding Me Back by Shawn Mendes

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Goals

How was your weekend?  We went away for a wedding in Maine and it was amazing.  What a great weekend!

This is Part Three in my series "All or Nothing." Today I am focusing on fitness and exercise. This has been my biggest mental hurdle over the past year because I have been dealing with one injury or health related issue after another, with virtually no relief.  My doctor has given me at least two stern talking to's about overdoing it. I have had to take a MAJOR step back and let my body heal, which has resulted in both some weight (fat) gain, a significant loss in muscle mass, and a blow to my routine.

This was during recovery from my back injury.

What used to be normal is now work. What used to be a warm up is now my work out. While I used to go out for a 30+ mile bike ride 2-3 times per week, I have only been on one this entire season.

I, myself am fighting the all or nothing game. I want to be what I was a year ago. Heck, I'll take where I was six months ago. But that's not the case, so I stand here at the crossroads of "Try again, do it again, it's worth it!" and "Ugggh, I don't want to do this. It's hard."

When my motivation is high, I tend to overdo it. I just got over a migraine that lasted 10 days. And my shoulder has been bothering me for the past couple days.  It stinks to get old.

This post is all about setting weekly, or even daily fitness goals.   If you are just getting started, or are working your way back from injury or medical issues, the key to long term success is to start small.  Don’t set impossible goals you cannot achieve.  Be practical.  It's okay to reach a little, but don't set unattainable goals and set yourself up for failure.

I am thinking one bike ride is realistic and two is probably a stretch, but I am going to try to ride on Wednesday and again on Saturday morning.

I am doing this, starting today.  My nutrition for the weekend was literally off the chart, so today I am going to reign in the food demons and make sure I get my workouts in for the week, and that’s what my goals reflect.

I took the word "vacation" to heart.  I ate and ate and ate.  Rum Raisin ice cream on top and Peanut Butter Fudge Swirl on the bottom with a waffle cone bowl.  OMG, to die for.

For me, the mind game has to some extent been about time. I find myself thinking, "If I can't get to the gym and workout for an hour, why bother" has been a trap.  Truth be told, my weight on the scale hasn't changed more than 5 lbs since Christmas, and that's because I've got my nutrition figured out pretty well. But your muscle mass will diminish if you don't train, and that's what has happened. The rule about muscle weighing more than fat is fact, not fiction. So while the scale hasn't moved around much, my clothes don't fit like they used to.  The image in the mirror is not as sexy as it was. I don't like it.

I got to the gym yesterday and did a push workout.  Just because my nutrition was a mess for the weekend doesn't mean I couldn't work out.  It felt good to be home.

I battle between what I want (now) and what I want (long term). It's a struggle. And the problem is two fold. One: physically, I can't do what I could do or I run the risk of reinjury. Two: I have to turn off the nagging voice in my head that tells me to quit, to give up.  It’s so easy to just let my busy schedule take over my days.

This whole learning to listen to my body means turning off the dueling voices in my head.

Here are today's goals:

Part of my issue has been time and today is no exception.  I am bringing my gym stuff to work, going to the gym on my way home and then to my 4:00 p.m. appointment.

My challenge for you this week is to set some goals.  Make them SMALL and ACHIEVABLE.  If you don't work out at all, don't set out to walk six miles every day.  Try 3-5 walks per week ... maybe 1 - 2 miles per walk.  And, don't forget the weights.  Try a basic introductory workout at the gym like this one from BodyBuilding.com:  Best Beginning Weight Trainer Guide with Easy-to-Follow Workout or this one The Complete 4-Week Beginner's Workout Program from MuscleAndFitness.com.  The trick is start small and light.  Do NOT put the maximum amount of weight on the rack, thinking you got it.  If it feels like you got it, take it down at least one notch.  Focus on form over the amount of weight.  You don't want to overdo it and either hurt yourself or quit.

Questions for you (answer in the comment section below):
What did you do this weekend?
What goals do you have for the week?

Musical notes ♩♫ ♪ ♬ ♪

This is another MUST have on my playlist.  A definite favorite!

Can't Stop This Feeling by Justin Timberlake

I got the sunshine in my pocket, got that good soul in my feet...

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All or Nothing: Part One

All or Nothing is a theme I have been discussing with several of my friends over the past couple of months.  I decided to write about it here.

For those of us who struggle with body image, weight management or trying to exercise, it seems to be a thought process we all have in common.

If I have to lose weight, I have to do it all or why bother.

This is NOT me!!!  But, if I think, "I have to look like that, or why bother?", I only set myself up for failure.

If I am trying to lose weight and I blow my diet, I might as well throw the towel in, because "I just can't do it."

#AllTheCarbs

If I join a gym and am faithful to workout two - three times per week, but then I have a tough week and just can't get there, "What's the point?"

It seems like those of us who struggle with our weight fall into this thought pattern and I want to try to address it here.

So, today's post is about this particular mindset.

I was overweight for most of my adult life. I did the yo-yo diet thing, repeatedly lost 20 - 30 lbs., only to put it back on again.  And again.  And again.  As I got older, my metabolism slowed down and the weight became harder to shed and the things I used to do for the "quick loss" didn't work anymore.  If I had a bad day, I would just go to town because I'd already blown it.  The problem was that getting back on the right path became increasingly more difficult every time I blew it and the mindset changed to, "I just can't do this. Why bother?  I'm a failure."

If this rings true to you, I want you to practice a few positive mindset tricks that have helped me.

1.  Focus on today ONLY.  Don't worry about tomorrow, just today.  Try to get through today and make it the best day you can.  If things go well, CELEBRATE!  If you have more of roller coaster day, don't let the downs derail you.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:34

The "all or nothing" mentality has been something I have seriously struggled with since I hurt my back this winter.   While I've managed to keep my weight technically in check, I lost a lot of muscle mass and my strength has diminished drastically.  What I forget is how far I have come.  This side by side picture shows a HUGE transformation from where I started three years ago to where I am today.  And even though I am not where I was a year ago, learning that it doesn't have to be ALL or NOTHING keeps me in check and makes me humble.

2.  Create a mantra.  Your mantra is the positive expression or saying or word you say to yourself to help you.  Maybe it motivates you.  Maybe it helps you to keep your focus.  Maybe it just makes you smile.

When I was losing weight, my mantra was:
You are not a quitter, you can do this.

Now that I pretty much have that part down, I have a new mantra:
You are enough.  You are beautiful.  You are loved.

Maybe that sounds super self-indulgent of me.  But when you struggle with body image issues, it is important to hold onto these basic truths to keep yourself real.

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, and do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

3.  It's all about baby steps.  Every step you take in the right direction is a win.  BELIEVE this!

Have you ever seen a baby learning to walk?

They use a walker, or maybe they furniture surf.  Their parents hold their hands to support them.  They fall down.  A LOT.  But eventually they walk - unsupported.

Do you remember learning to ride a bike?  

You didn't just get on the bike and were off.  Maybe you had training wheels. Maybe someone held the back of your bike while you tried to pedal down the street.  Maybe you fell a dozen or so times.  But you learned how to ride it.

Or learning how to swim?  

When you first started swimming, you probably had an adult with you to hold you up, to make sure you didn't sink.  Maybe you used swimmies or a kickboard.  Maybe you had lessons.  They didn't just throw you in the deep end of the pool and expect you to be Michael Phelps.  You struggled, but eventually you learned how to float, how to kick, how to move forward.  Maybe you even learned all the strokes.

Well, with losing weight or developing a healthy lifestyle, you can't expect yourself to just get it all right at the first try.  This kind of thinking will ultimately end in defeat.  It does not have to be ALL or NOTHING.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Stay tuned for more on this topic...

Part Two is here.

Questions for you (answer in the comment section below):
If you have a bad day, how do you get back on track?
Did you do anything fun this weekend?

Musical notes ♩♫ ♪ ♬ ♪

I've been running more often lately and have added several new songs to my playlist.  I realize I need some even beat mellow tunes to set the pace so I don't put everything I have out there on my first mile or two, so I switched things up a little.  The audio version of this song has a great beat and is awesome for running or working out...

It Ain't Me by Selena Gomez (feat. Kygo)

Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning?

It ain't me.  It ain't me.

On a side note, sorry I haven't written anything in a month.  If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you know I've been posting updates there, but life and a lack of inspiration has made writing a challenge.

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Do you believe?

Discouragement is so easy to enter into our belief system when we are just getting started.
Last week it might have sounded like this:

I got on the scale and I weigh 216 lbs.  
That's awful.  
I'm awful.  
I'm so ashamed.

For a week, you tried to do what you could.  You ate smart.  Tried to get to the gym.  Drank a lot of water.  Darn it, you were hungry!  This week, you weigh-in and...

I weigh 214.8 lbs.   MAYBE you even gained a pound or two....
I only lost 1.2 lbs.   (I can't believe I gained two pounds?!?!)
That's awful.
I tried so hard.
I hate this.
I don't even know what I'm doing.
I don't think I can do this.
I'm so ashamed.

You start to doubt what you're doing.  Your life is busy.  You are tired.  This whole process is discouraging.

Let me STOP you RIGHT NOW!

If you have more than 50 lbs. to lose, you cannot expect to see rapid results immediately.  You just can't live in that fantasy world and allow doubt, shame and self-condemnation to rule your mindset.

YOU MUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!
No matter what!!!
If you gave it an honest try last week and you gained one or two pounds, DO NOT STRESS about that!

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

Ask yourself a couple of questions...
What time of day did you weigh yourself?  Was it the same time of day as last time?
What clothes were you wearing last time?  Was it different?
What did you eat/drink before you weighed-in?
When was the last time you pooped?  Ummm, yeah, what goes in, must come out and it does make a difference on the scale.

If everything is more or less equal from one week to the next, just consider it a fluctuation in the scale.  Don't worry about it.  Have a good day today and get on the scale tomorrow to see if there's any difference.  When I weigh myself, I do it first thing in the morning with no clothes on at all. (Essentially I am dehydrated and have an empty stomach and am the lightest I'll be for the day.)  This morning I got on the scale and I weighed 153.9.  I was super excited because I was 158 last week.  This afternoon, I got on the scale to show someone that it is accurate and it does work and I weighed 155.5.  That's with my clothes on and after I'd had food and beverage throughout the day.  Your weight fluctuates.

Someone asked me how I can lose four pounds in one week.  I said, "Eh, it's the scale."  Yes, I worked hard this week.  I did.  My nutrition was on point and my workouts have been 100%.  But still, 4 lbs. is quite a bit in one week.  But who knows!  Next week I could be up a pound.  I don't stress out.  I know I am working hard to be the best I an be.  With that, I am satisfied.

What you want to look for is weight loss over time.  One to two pounds per week is healthy.  Sometimes you may see a five pound drop in one week, followed by little to no change the week after.  It's just the way our bodies are made.  Get over it and stop with the crazy self talk.

Now, let's go back to the root of the negativity.

When I was obese, I really hated how I looked.  I was so self-conscious that I wouldn't let my picture be taken, especially not alone.  At my heaviest, I was tired all the time.  It was all I could do to just get through the day.  I worked hard at my job, but I didn't work out and I either starved myself or ate junk.  My self-image was in the hole.  When I started this journey, there was something different about where I was then, as compared to previous attempts to lose the weight.

The difference was that I was tired of feeling bad.  I was tired of having no joy.  I wanted to have my picture taken.  I wanted to look and feel happy.  I knew that no matter what it took, I was NOT going to give up.  There was NO way.  When I felt like quitting, which I did time and time again, I refused to quit.

I had a mantra I remember telling myself, "Tracey, you can do this.  You must believe in yourself.  You have to make this work."

Health and fitness is not a straight path.  Even once you think you've "arrived", there are detours (injuries, illness, grief, loss, changes in life) that affect your journey.  I continually reassess where I am, where I am going and what I want from this journey.

Here is the basic truth I hold onto:

I need to be healthy in order to be a better person for my family, friends and to do my job better. This means physical, mental and spiritual health and wellness.

In order for me to be healthy, I must find time to take care of myself. 
AND  
I really like how I feel when I work out.  I enjoy riding my bike, hiking, and working out.  These things make me happy.  
If I am happy, I can be a better wife, mother, daughter, friend and counselor.

So much of this journey is mindset.  Be cognizant of that.  Instead of feeling down about where you are today, turn this beginning into empowerment.
Tell yourself:
I am going to make this work!
I am so much  stronger than I even think I am.
No matter what, I am NOT giving up!

Feel the energy of this mantra.  Connect with it at an emotional level.
When you are feeling badly, remember the mantra.  Stick to what you started.

Beautiful by Christina Alguilera

You are beautiful!

Today is the beginning.  You are just getting started.
Life is an amazing blessing.  Make the most of it each day.  You are worth it!

Questions for you...(Answer in the comment section below.)
How are you feeling about your goals for this year?  Do you believe you can achieve them?  What steps are you taking to make them happen?


Are you up to speed on my series on wellness?  Check it out!

Radio Silence

The Empty Fridge Syndrome

Put a Little Love in Your Step

On Friendship

Breakfast 101

Not a Runner

With Us
Worthwhile or Gimmick?
Three Years, Really?
No Time to Stretch!

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When Doubt Creeps In

I am SOOOOOOOOO incredibly excited!!  We are having a "Biggest Loser" challenge at my school to start the New Year off. What is super fantastic is that 49 people signed up for the challenge!  Forty-nine staff!!!  The group ranges from teachers, paraprofessionals, clerks, custodians, school nurses, athletic trainers and even our school administration is involved!

Yahoo!!!!

Last week was Week One.  Today was the day of truth when everyone weighed in for the first time.  The nurses are doing the weigh-in's, so I only know what people report to me themselves.  I am encouraged.  I had some very positive feedback.

I want to share a story with you.

One lady needs to lose over 100 lbs. She told me, "Tracey, I lost 7 lbs."
My response:  "Awesome!  I'm so happy for you!  That's fantastic! Keep up the good work!"
And she answered, "I just need to believe because nobody else does - my husband, kids or relatives don't really think that I will one day lose all the weight...I still have big hope."

Awwwww!!!

This got me to thinking about my own journey...and yours...

The doubt and the judgement of others really plays a huge factor in our success or failure.  BUT, we can choose whether we want to listen to them or not.  We MUST develop our own mantra to keep us motivated, to keep us focused.  Because the moment we listen to the naysayers, when we give into our own fear of failure, we will surely fail.  To overcome this, we MUST maintain our focus on our goals.  We MUST believe in ourselves.  We MUST tell ourselves, "I can do this!"




This post is dedicated to my friend at work and to others like her, who have started the journey and need a whole lot of self-confidence and encouragement along the way.

You CAN do this!

Make this your mantra!

You must know that there will be setbacks along the way.  You will experience failure.  BUT these setbacks and failures do not make YOU a failure.  Consider each one a learning experience.  You can do this!!  Doubt will come in and take over if you allow it.

Couldn't say it better myself.

I think I can...I think I can...I can!  I know I can!

Two years ago I weighed 232 lbs.  I endeavored to lose weight and change my life.  It took me a while to find my path, to figure out what I needed to do to be successful.  But I did it!!!  When others doubt you, just ignore them, go out and accomplish your dreams.  You can do it!

July, 2013

Christmas, 2015

Question for you: 

(Answer in the comment section below.)

What do you tell yourself to keep yourself motivated?

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