Over the past nearly five years, I have been focused on my journey towards health and wellness. It's been a total transformation of body, mind and spirit.
This means, when what you've been doing isn't working anymore, you really have to sit down and say, "What's wrong?"
Back up. Like thirty steps.
I haven't posted anything in months, so I feel bad jumping in like this without some background.
In June, 2016, I hurt my shoulder. I continue to struggle with the pain which comes and goes. That October, I had surgery on my varicose veins, from which I developed several superficial blood clots that kept resurfacing. To correct that, had more extensive surgery in December. That was 2016.
In February, 2017 I hurt my back. In March, I slipped on black ice at work and re-injured my already compromised back.
The pain was so bad, I had to go to the e.r. I could not walk.
Followed by MONTHS of recovery...
For days, I pretty much just laid flat on my back on the floor.
Fast forward to November, 2017 and I was feeling frustrated by the lack of progress in my training, my now significantly weakened body, and a slow increase in my weight and change in body composition. My pants weren't fitting anymore. I was still watching / counting my calories and macros, but I wasn't seeing any results. In fact, I was going backwards from where I wanted to be.
I was introduced to my trainer, Pat who is AMAZING. A completely new focus on my training meant injury recovery and strength building, which meant I had to EAT! And so I ate... pretty much whatever I wanted. Days went by where I would log my food, but I didn't care if I went over my calories. On days when I splurged (which became far more frequent), I logged breakfast and lunch, but left dinner and snacks out. MyFitnessPal kept telling me I'd be super thin in 5 weeks, but the reverse is what I witnessed.
Come spring and the weather finally turned warmer and my bike came out of hiding. And I struggled. Pat would say something like this: "Tracey, you have to eat. You can't lift heavy, ride your bike for 30+ miles and lose weight without a compromise. Something has to give." Uggh. I don't want to get fat again. I want my clothes to fit. I want to ride my bike and I want to lift heavy weights. I want it all.
Literally, I wanted my cake and eat it too!
When I started this journey, one of my goals was to complete the Ride to Remember. This year was my 4th year doing the ride. Each year has been a unique experience. I trained so hard for it the first year that I actually felt easy. That said, in the years that followed, my training waned slightly each year, on top of struggling with chronic pain. This year was going to be different. I was NOT going to let pain interfere with my ride. And, I was determined to train hard for the ride without obsessing like I did the first year. This new mindset and focus paid off. I will write more in another post about the day, but to sum it up, this year's Ride to Remember was an amazing ride!!!
BUT...Friday night when I was packing my clothes for the ride home on the bus, I was looking for a comfortable t-shirt to wear. I took out both of my favorite Wonder Woman shirts and neither fit. Too tight. I took out another Wonder Woman shirt and IT didn't fit. WHAT THE HECK!
While I could put them on, they looked tight and I looked ridiculous in them.
Now, I had already been talking to Pat about changing the focus of my training after the Ride to Remember. And I knew that clearly, while counting (and eating) calories and macros had been helping me to build strength and train for the ride, it wasn't helping me to stay lean. I asked him what he thought about the Keto diet. It scared me. I am carb dependent. I really am. I've tried low carb before and it's always been a complete disaster. I am such a fan of flexible dieting that I really struggle with the mindset of restricting / eliminating food groups. Flexible dieting allows you to eat cake! Not all the time, but on occasion.
In all seriousness, I knew that was used to work for me wasn't working anymore. I'm getting older. At 49, the pre-menopausal hormone fluctuations mess with my body and ability to sleep. I live with fatigue and have aches and pains where there were none before. Sleep often daunts me, so I live with fatigue. I have aches and pains where I didn't used to have them.
I knew change is necessary and I believe it starts at the core. Nutrition. This is why keto intrigued me. I had read how good it is for people who have certain medical conditions, as well as for burning body fat. And that is key to me. While the numbers on the scale haven't changed that much over the past year or two, my body composition has changed and I want to lean out. To see definition in my muscles, even on days when I don't work out!!
This week, I jumped off the cliff, into the deep and and began my KETO journey. The keto diet is a way to transition your metabolism from using carbohydrates for energy to using fat. Today is Day 7 with my new food plan. It has NOT been an easy initial transition. I am carb-dependent, so the severe cutback really got to me for the first several days. AND I still want to ride my bike, so I am going to have to figure out how to carb-cycle on days when I ride. I tried to ride yesterday and it was not a good ride. Despite the rocky start, I am committed to make this work. I know seven days is not enough time to fairly say this is or is not working for me.
I am focusing on the positives. I don't feel or look bloated anymore. I don't look like I'm pregnant anymore!! I still feel like I'm in a caloric deficit, I'm already past the cravings and the feeling like I have to eat all the time. The scale is not the sole guideline for success, but I have lost 5 lbs. so far. And Pat put together a new training plan for me that focuses on both strength building and fat burning. I start that today, so I'm looking forward to that!
I'm also taking some risks with my cooking, like these pan-seared scallops and roasted asparagus. The scallops don't look "seared" because I'm new to this and figuring out how to blacken them without them sticking to the pan is a work in progress, but they were SOOOO good!
I'll be writing more as I endeavor to be successful on this new segment of my journey. I'm looking forward to sharing with you both the ups and the downs. The measure of success for will be how I feel mentally and physically, as well as how I look in the mirror / how my clothes fit. Stay tuned.
I want to look good in a sports bra and short shorts again!
This was taken yesterday. It's my new before shot!
Stay tuned for more, including all about this year's Ride to Remember!
Meanwhile, be the champion of today!
Questions for you: (Answer in the comment section below.)
How is your nutrition going? What food plan do you follow? Have you ever tried keto? Any tips to share, let me know!!
Follow / Contact me
Want information about personal training?
Contact Pat! He's AWESOME and you will really like working with him!
One thing I always wished I could do, but never was able to do is push-ups.
I tried and tried. I struggled. What looks so easy, for me was super hard. I made being able to do them a goal. As my strength improved, I wrote about the progress I saw in doing them: Five and Ten. It was exciting to see real progress. Eventually they became so easy that I stopped doing them, except as part of a HIIT routine. When I hurt my shoulder, I was under strict orders to not do them until after my shoulder healed.
Since that time, being able to do push-ups well and "easily" has plagued me. So after my back injury last February, I made it a goal to improve upon them again. But it has been difficult. In May of last year, I was able to do three sets of 15 push-ups. So hard! I mean super hard. It wasn't so much doing them as the weakness in my shoulder. Not for nothing, when things are hard, you tend to shy away from doing them. Why do I want to do this if it's this hard?
When I started training with Pat, he had me doing three sets of 15-20 push-ups. I was like, "I'm not going to be able to do that. I can barely do 10 push-ups and you want me to do 15?" He said, "If you can do a Dumb-Bell bench press with 25 lbs., you can do 15 push-ups."
So for three weeks, I did three sets of 15 push-ups (never 20). And it was NOT easy. One week I couldn't even do one single push-up. Not one. "It's a mental block," Pat responded.
I hated doing them. Unlike three years ago when doing push-ups motivated me, this time around, I was not enthused.
Then the next three weeks, he changed it up and had me doing four sets of 12-15 reps. I always tried for the 15, but four sets was a lot.
This week, he changed it up again. When I looked at the plan for this week, it changed from 4 sets of 12-15 to FIVE sets of 20 push-ups. That's 100 push-ups. Are you KIDDING ME???
So when I saw him this week, I said, "What in the world are you thinking?"
He said, "You can do it." Confident as can be, like it's no problem.
I was like, "I can't do that! There's just no way."
He said, "Yes you can. Easy."
I said, "Well, I can't do five sets of 20 push-ups all together like that. It's just not going to happen. I mean, maybe I can do them if I work them throughout the entire workout. One set after each group of exercises, but not all at once."
His response, "I don't care how you do them, just get them done."
Get them done? Doesn't he know I have a shoulder injury? Doesn't he know these are super hard for me? What does he mean, "Just get them done."
"Ok, boss."
And so Friday night was the moment of truth. 100 push-ups. Five sets of twenty.
We get to the gym, I figure, let's get the first set done now and just see, while I'm feeling strong, how I do. Is 20 even on the table? (Great way to think positive, isn't it?)
And I do it. 20 push-ups. No problem.
I decided to do 20 at a time, throughout my workout, allowing my shoulder/ body to recover before attempting the next set. And it worked! Twice I had to take a 10 second break in between to finish the 20 reps, but I did all 100!
Here is my last set:
So, what's the point of this whole post? Overcoming the way you think and feel about food, about exercise, about yourself: your self-image, your abilities, your potential... This is so key to your success. Over four years into this journey and I still struggle. I have doubts. While they may be based on reality (I do have tendinitis in my shoulder, there is weakness there, I do continue to have pain), the fact is I can do more than I believe I can do.
When you get to the point when you feel like, "What am I doing?" or "I can't do this" or you feel like just giving up, stick with it. You have SO much more potential than you can even begin to believe.
I did 100 push-ups. Not five or ten like I did three years ago. One-Hundred. I didn't think I could. I thought Pat was crazy. I was even miffed with him a little. It wasn't clean, it wasn't perfect, but I did it!
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"Why Have a Trainer?" is a topic I discussed in January. Having someone push you beyond your own self-expectations, to basically say, "It's no big deal, you can do it." THIS is why I have a trainer. I struggled with one health issue after another over the past 18+ months and tried to figure out how to get back on the path by myself. Every set-back and every self-doubt left me feeling badly about myself and where I was going. Not really knowing what to do to get things back on track left me frustrated, which is WHY I sought out Pat. He is really awesome.
If you are thinking about having a trainer, you definitely want to check him out. The rates are affordable and he is amazing. If you live in the area, you can train one-on-one with him. If not, he does online coaching as well. Check out his website for the details: Patriotbody.com. I cannot say enough about him. Training with Pat means you will see growth, you will make change, you will accomplish your goals. Either way, check out his website. There is contact information for him there.
There's a saying out there, "Put on some gangster rap and get over it." Here's the newest song on my playlist:
Not Afraid by Eminem
And I just can't keep living this way. So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage. I'm standing up, I'mma face my demons. I'm manning up, I'mma hold my ground. I've had enough, now I'm so fed up. Time to put my life back together right now!
Question for you: (Answer in the comment section below.) What holds you back? Follow me...
When you're stuck or feel like you need an extra push, sometimes it helps to have a personal trainer. Here I will share the successes and failures in working with a personal trainer. It's worth the investment, I promise.
Having a personal trainer is a huge part of my story. It is the key factor that helped me to change the way I think about nutrition, exercise and sticking with it. I have worked with four different trainers. The first trainer and I were not a good match. However, I can't say enough about the others. You can read about Mike and Dmitriy here: Mike Made Me Do It and Dmitriy Made It Happen. I'm working with Pat now. I'll tell you a little about him and why I decided to go back to training with someone again in this post.
So, why have a trainer?
It's different for each person. For me, originally it was to lose weight. For others, to build strength, to get in shape, to help recover from an injury after physical therapy is complete, to train for an event or something else.
When I first decided to work with trainer, I had been obese for so long and tried everything under the sun with no success. A couple of my friends had personal trainers and were finding success with that, so I decided to follow suit. The person I was originally matched with was not a good fit for me. She was super nice and listened to me and all my woes, but I didn't need that. (I broke my thumb while I was training with her, had a bad knee, started going to grad school for my CAGS, and was miserable at my job.) I needed someone to be like, "Yeah, so what. Do you want this or not? Enough with your excuses." I realized that when I started training with Mike, so I made the decision to NOT share with him my woes and stopped all the excuses.
I started training with Pat last month because I was stuck. After my back injury last year, I could not overcome the fear hurting myself again. I was not pushing myself. My brain said, "Ok, that's enough," and I listened. With the head aches I've had, I was all over the place with my training. I had no real direction and was not seeing any progress on my own. I felt like what I was doing wasn't enough, but I didn't know what to do because I didn't want to hurt my back. I was referred to Pat by someone I know from the gym and couldn't be happier.
What's the investment?
Different trainers / gyms charge different rates, depending on the type of training you want, as well as the amount of time you train (e.g.: 30 minutes or 60 minutes) and the frequency you train with someone (e.g. once, twice or three times per week). Most providers don't tell you the bottom line up front. They want to meet with you, discuss your goals and let you know which type of program they think is best for you based on your needs. It depends on your own motivation and what you can afford. The rates vary from gym to gym. If you hire someone privately, their rates will vary as well.
Typically, you are looking at anywhere from $40 to $100 (on the high end) per session, depending on the gym and your level of need. You should know, when training with someone who works for a gym, you are paying the gym, not the trainer. If you think you are paying $45 for a session with your trainer, that trainer is probably only getting $12 - $20 for that session. The gym keeps the rest. The sad fact is, trainers are not paid well by their gyms and if you don't show up for your session, they don't get paid.
So the investment is two fold. You are investing your money and your time to train with an expert. They are investing in you as well, they take pride from your success. Don't forget, this is their livelihood, so be respectful of that. Make sure to show up for every session. If there is a conflict, then let him/her know well in advance so you can reschedule your session. You shouldn't cancel unless there is a dire emergency.
A personal trainer is different from having a fitness coach
Fitness coaches typically work independently and provide online or over the phone fitness coaching. They may provide you with nutritional information, with a detailed diet plan and workout plan you follow on your own. They often have groups on Facebook for you to share successes/ failures/ and support with their other clients. Typically they schedule email or telephone check ins with you to see how you are doing and what you may need.
Many competitive body builders work with coaches or may be coaches themselves. Their rates vary, depending on how often they check in with you and what type of support you may need. I have seen rates go from $100 per month to $1200 for six months. I don't like this kind of "training" because I like the one on one interaction with a trainer. I want to work with my trainer in person, have a face to face conversation with him. But this kind of training/coaching works for many people.
So, you're thinking about working with a trainer, now what?
You should ALWAYS start with a meeting to talk about your goals. WHY do you want a trainer? What are you hoping to get out of personal training? What are your unique goals?
When I started training with Dmitriy, I had very specific goals:
Do push ups without assistance
Lose weight
Do the Ride to Remember (a 100 mile bike ride)
When I started training with Pat, my goals are simple:
Regain/ Improve strength
Improve my endurance
It is important to know what your goals are so you can be successful in your training.
How do you know if your trainer is right for you?
This is probably the hardest thing to figure out and is definitely where things went wrong with my first trainer. So be smart about this.
If you can, check out their online presence before your first meeting.
Follow them on Instagram, which is a very popular place for body builders and fitness experts to promote their work. Do they promote a healthy lifestyle? What are they about?
At your first meeting with your trainer, this is your opportunity to check him/her out.
Ask LOTs of questions.
What is their experience?
How long have they been doing this?
Tell him/her your needs, your story.
Ask them if they can help you and how.
Do they like their job? If there is any indication that they don't like their job, if it's too stressful or they don't like management, find a different trainer. This is NOT someone you want to train with.
If you can't tell, find out if they workout themselves. If they don't, find a different trainer.
Will they provide you with support about nutrition?
Will they provide you with personalized workout plans?
How do you stay in contact with them? Do they want you to check in with them? How often?
How long is the commitment? Is there a contract? For how long?
Ask yourself a few questions...
Do you like this person? Can you talk to him/her? Do they seem to have a good sense of humor? Can they help you with your unique needs? Are they serious about their work?
Don't forget to ask
What is their availability? Does it match yours?
MAKE SURE you get their cell phone number and they get yours!
Benefits of having a trainer
Besides the most obvious reason to have a trainer (working with an expert to help you obtain your goals), there are a lot of benefits.
A trainer pushes you past what you believe you can do on your own.
I hurt my back last February and have recovered from that injury, but was holding myself back. When I started training with Pat, he basically made me start all over. My favorite exercise is deadlifts. A year ago, my personal record was 210 lbs. A month ago I was able to do a single rep maximum of 175 lbs. I was excited because I was approaching my PR. But Pat said, "No. Don't do that, do this instead." He has me lifting lighter weights with 10 repetitions for each set. Sounds easy, right? Well the first time I did it, I thought I would die. This week, I worked my way up to do four sets of 10 reps at 145 lbs. On Thursday when I trained with him, he's like, "Ok, so you did 145 lbs. on Monday, let's do 155 lbs. today." And I was like , "What?" Then he brought the weight down to 135 lbs. and had me do 15 repetitions. 15 reps. I thought I was going to die. I didn't, but I thought it was the end. That's what a trainer does. They push you.
You have a cheerleader
Seriously, your trainer should be your biggest cheerleader.
Pat posts his clients achievements on his live Instagram story all the time. I am so impressed with that. It's one of the reasons I knew I could work with him. It's not about posting about you in social media, it's about saying, "Look at that!" Look what you can do. When I did 15 reps of deadlifts at 135 lbs. with him the other day, he was like, "Wow! That's really impressive." Of course, I wanted to die and was cursing at him for making me do it, but that pat on the back carried a long way for me.
When I did the Rugged Maniac for the first time in 2014, I texted Mike and thanked him for his support. He was like, "That's incredible Tracey! Way to go!" He asked me to post a picture and tag him in it too. I had no idea what Instagram was at the time, but I did do that on Facebook.
You have someone to answer your questions
As I am working out during the week, I always have questions I want to ask Pat. While I started training with him because I wanted to regain the strength I lost after my back injury, I've found my back isn't really the issue. My shoulder is. So I always have questions for him. While he doesn't necessarily have all the answers, he is super about helping me figure things out. "Try this," he'll say. or "You're doubling up on these exercises and that may be what's aggravating it." He is my personal expert and I trust him. So I ask him lots of questions. (I so hope he's not overly annoyed with me for asking so many.)
Working with a trainer is personal.
It is very personal and can break your heart.
Mike was incredible. Training with him made me take my workouts seriously. At one of our sessions, I remember him telling me, "You did a great job today, Tracey. I'm proud of you." That single statement has stayed with me. After that, it became so important to me to make gains so I could do better next time. He motivated me. I cared about him, so when he died, I was devastated.
Dmitriy and I were very close. I considered him my friend. While at times he listened to my complaining, he didn't put up with any of it. I trusted him and learned how to move past my obstacles. He helped me accomplish every one of my goals and pushed me past them to achieve things I didn't even realize were possible. I miss him.
Having a trainer means you have a personal relationship with this person. You make it what you want it to be.
What to look out for
They are not psychologists. Remember, your trainer's background is in fitness. While you definitely have a personal relationship with them, try not to dump all your personal problems on them. Keep your relationship about fitness. Don't mistake them for your personal therapist or you won't see the gains you want to make. This happened with me and my first trainer. I had every reason for not being successful. She listened to me and this is how we seemed to spend our sessions. Don't do that. If you have personal problems, seek professional help from a licensed therapist. Your time with your trainer should be focused on your physical training.
Your trainer should like his/her job. Don't waste your sessions with your trainer listening to them gripe about management, how little they are being paid, or about how their other clients missed sessions. This is a major danger sign. I get it, you become friends with your trainer and want to support them as much as they support you. But if they don't like their job, they should seek other employment. Redirect them if you can, keep the focus on you and your training sessions.
Are they on time for your sessions? If you are on time, so should your trainer. If you are paying $50 for a 1/2 hour session, that works out to $1.67 per minute. If you are waiting five minutes for your trainer, that's $8 you are paying to stand and wait. Your trainer should be mindful of the time, ending sessions with other clients on time so you can make the most of your session.
Keep track of your sessions. Know how many sessions you have paid for each month. Keep track of them and make sure you use them. If you miss a session because you have to reschedule, due to inclement weather or because of an unexpected cancellation, keep track of that. When I started training with Dmitriy, I had over 10 unused sessions I had never used because of sessions missed when Mike died and a collection of unused cancellations with my first trainer. (She was in the National Guard and was gone a lot.) You paid for them, use them.
Is it worth it?
YES! Having a trainer literally changed my life. If you can work it into your budget, do it.
Meanwhile, if you are or are not in the area, check out out Pat's website: PatriotBody.com.
Pat does one on one training in the Connecticut / Western Massachusetts area, as well as online coaching. He has over 10 years of experience in the field. He is unbelievably knowledgeable about fitness and nutrition. He offers very reasonable rates for the different programs. I really like Pat and can't say enough about him.
New entry coming soon:
10 Minutes. For those who want to make a change, but are still stuck in first gear. Making a 10 minute workout count. This has been ready to post, but I'm having trouble uploading my video to YouTube. Watch for it soon!
Tune for your play list: This song has a mellow beat, which is for strength training sessions.
Starboy by The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk
Questions for you: (Answer in the comment section below.) Do you work out with someone? (A friend? A partner? A trainer?) Do they push you or do you push them?
So much of this journey has to do with confidence.
When you are over weight for most of your adult life, you tend to not have much confidence when it comes to body image. I was never good at sports, so even though I can ride my bike 100 miles, run 5 miles and lift weights, I lack confidence with pretty much anything fitness related.
Fall, 2013
I am the head of the department where I work and have many successful and varied leadership experiences. I write a blog about health and fitness.Ha! But I'm still insecure about my weight, and since I hurt my back this year, I have felt completely lost with my workouts.
Me, laying flat on my back during my recovery. Uggh. (Cool filter, isn't it?)
What's enough? What's too much? This is hard! I want results... NOW! Why bother?
After I wrote my last post, Breakthroughs, I got to thinking about my own lack of self confidence.
I am really starting to find my inner joy again.
Everyone has an internal belief system, built upon your own perceptions of what is true and real to you. If you believe something to be a certain way, changing that belief system is not easy. To do that, you have to recognize that your perceptions are faulty and you have to have the courage to replace them with a more solid set of realities. This is complicated, but let's look at it from a child's perspective.
When my sons were little, they had to learn how to do a variety of different basic skills from walking to riding their bike and swimming. We had a pool, so they were used to being in the pool with various flotation devices. As they got older, we taught them how to float on their own, how to tread water, and ultimately how to swim. One of my boys was terrified to swim without assistance. We brought him to swimming lessons and he basically had a complete melt down. He needed to have courage to face his fears and he needed to put aside his belief that he had to have a floatie (or a noodle or Mom / Dad) to swim. Out of the two weeks of lessons, he probably only got into the pool half the time. It was not what I would consider a success. That summer, we focused on skill building with him. The following year, he got into the pool with no problem. He went on to join the local swim team and swam right through high school. He had to have courage to replace his belief system.
The same holds true with the journey on this road to fitness.
Believe in yourself! You CAN do it! Smile! Put one foot in front of the other.
Whether you are just starting out, are mid-journey, or like me, are have been on this path for the long haul, you will face obstacles and roadblocks along the way. You are probably the biggest obstacle. Yes, you. What you tell yourself, what you believe. Recognizing negative self-talk or messages that communicate defeat is essential. It's okay for things to be challenging, you CAN learn how to work around or overcome your circumstances. But, you have to tell yourself that. AND you HAVE to believe it can be done.
Working with a personal trainer helps a LOT. I started working with Ashley about a month ago and I am so please with how well things are going for me. She has given me specific things to work on building both my endurance and strength. The workouts she has me do target my specific weaknesses without causing further injury. She's also been available in between our sessions. I will send her a video of a workout and say, "Hey, this is how I'm doing with this, what do you think?" Then at our session, she provides me with strategies to improve. She also provides a lot of positive reinforcement, which I realize I need. I need to know I am doing a good job, and hearing it from someone else, especially a professional, really gives me the confidence I need. It's worth the financial investment.
My riding buddy, Erica
You may not have a personal trainer, or be able to afford one, but I do recommend you find a workout partner. Someone to train with so you can encourage each other. It helps with accountability too. If someone is counting on you to be there, you're not as likely to let them down. If you are working on the same training plan, you can provide each other with great feedback too. Even in between workouts. I've been riding my bike a lot with my friend Erica. Even when we don't ride together, we send each other Snapchats of our rides - before, during and/ or after. When we ride together, we talk about how we are going to tackle a particular hill or what route we want to ride to challenge ourselves. Having a partner really makes it worth while.
Friday morning we both went out for a ride, but not together. I sent Erica this selfie, taken at the top of a very aggressive hill I climbed. It was a major accomplishment to get up that hill!
No one else can give you the self-confidence you need though. You are the one who has to address your own fears and insecurities. Recognize them for what they are. Tell yourself, again and again, that you can do this. Believing you can; refusing to give up; working around your busy schedule, your day to day obstacles; making your daily goals happen - this is key to long term success. Believing you can is more than half the battle. It's critical to achieving your goals, no matter what they are.
Stick with it. It's worth it. Give yourself positive affirmations daily. Yes, daily. This is not about becoming arrogant, conceited or self-indulgent. It's about building your self-confidence, giving yourself the tools you need to accomplish your goals.
And remember, YOU do the hard work! You do it! You are a champion of every hurdle you cross, every obstacle you defeat.
Challenge for you: If you accept the challenge, respond in the comment section below how you will do it. Think about one thing you want to accomplish and haven't gotten around to it because fill in the blank . Then, go out there and do it. What is it? How will you make it happen? Check back with me periodically and let me know how you're doing with that goal.
Musical notes ♩♫♪♬♪ Now, this song should REALLY motivate you to get out there. Don't let anything hold you back!
There's Nothing Holding Me Back by Shawn Mendes
You take all my inhibitions. Baby, there's nothing holding me back.
You take me places that tear up my reputation, manipulate my decisions.
Baby, there's nothing holding me back. There's nothing holding me back.
I started a different post, which needs something to make it more interesting, so it got put on the shelf. Then we went away on vacation and ... here we are.
If you are a regular reader, you know I have been struggling with a bunch of different health related things over the past 12+ months. After I hurt my back in March, my doctor told me not put a time line on my recovery. "Listen to your body. It could take a year, it could take longer." I've already been dealing with my shoulder for a year, then my leg, now this. The setback has thrown my anxiety into full blown depression, which I battle nearly every day. I can have three or four really good days, followed by a week of feeling down. It sucks the joy out of life. To look at me, no one would really know. I put on a good face. I had an amazing day yesterday. I went for a long bike ride with my friend Erica, then I went wine tasting with my friend Katherine. I ordered a pizza for dinner, so I didn't even have to cook. But last night I couldn't sleep, I laid in bed for almost two hours, wide awake, feeling so down. Woke up super early and laid in bed awake for another two hours until I finally decided to get up.
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
Psalm 34:17
Unless you have struggled with depression, it's hard to understand. How do you have a great day, and then feel so down? Nothing is really wrong, so you don't really want to talk about it. Sometimes you catch yourself feeling it, realize you shouldn't be, and then you feel guilty for feeling the way you feel. That's kind of what happened last night. Usually a good night's sleep will help, but when that doesn't happen...
I went to church this morning. The message was the first in a series entitled, "The Cross of Christ." Our pastor talked about how we don't really fully understand the cross... Christ knew no sin, but he gave EVERYTHING so we might become the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21, adapted). I left feeling encouraged. My soul cries out, Hallelujah. This song...
Man of Sorrows by Hillsong
Oh that rugged cross, my salvation, where Your love poured out over me. Sent of heaven, God's own Son, to purchase and redeem..and reconcile the very ones who nailed Him to that tree.
In my last post, I told you I was going to start training with my friend Ashley. Between my back and shoulder issues, I often feel defeated when I leave the gym. It's one thing to have sore muscles, it's entirely different to push through back pain or to exasperate the tendinitis in my shoulder. This is why I asked Ashley for help. I've had two sessions with her and she's given me a workout plan, specifically to address my concerns about improving my strength and endurance.
I have three different workouts, focusing on one of the major muscle groups each day and core strengthening each day. She has me doing things I hate, like mountain climbers and burpees. I hate burpees. Really hate them. But, she said, "It has to be uncomfortable for change to happen." And I guess all my whining about my diminished strength and endurance means I have to do things I don't like, even if it means doing burpees.
Burpees are on for tomorrow. Here are some messy mountain climbers. I had to do 4 sets of 50. I thought it said 5 sets of 50.... uggh.
It also means retraining my brain to muscle connections. I've unconsciously been taking shortcuts to "protect" my back, while potentially putting myself in danger. So instead of squats on the squat rack, it's kettle bells and focusing on depth and form...
I'm glad I have Ashley to work with me. She's helps me with accountability too. Today I wanted to stay home, instead I made sure I worked out. I have to report out on how things are going at our next session. No excuses. No, "I was tired and feeling sorry for myself."
Sometimes you just need a little help. The trick is, asking for it.
Tonight I am feeling better. I was able to accomplish a few things, grabbed a power nap, got to the gym, and even posted to my blog. Breathe.
If you are interested in personal training, please contact me. I can share with you my experiences and give you some guidelines for what to expect and how much it costs.
Question for you (answer in the comment section below): Did you celebrate the 4th of July? What did you do?
Musical notes ♩♫♪♬♪
Not only does this song have a super rhythm, which is perfect for longer runs, but it reminds me of my husband. He is my superhero, my fairy tale bliss. He's the one I want to turn to, the one I can kiss.
Something Just Like This by The Chainsmokers & Coldplay
But she said, where'd you wanna go? How much you wanna risk? I'm not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts, some superhero, some fairy tale bliss, just something I can turn to. Somebody I can kiss.
